The Change Triangle | Series: Lessons my therapist taught me

From my experience, most therapist visits I have been in are focused on explaining a situation I’m having trouble with and them telling me a different way of thinking about it that allows me to process it and move on in a healthy way. 

The most recent appointment I had we discussed a situation that I caused because of my insecurities. After explaining the situation that I was ashamed of my behaviour, I was pleasantly surprised when my therapist said “oh that was not as bad as I was expecting, you’re definitely in your head about this more than you need to be”. It felt like phew, 1. she’s on my side and 2. I’m not a terrible person. Again it all comes down to that voice in your head that is trying to tear you down. 

My therapist then suggested I familiarize myself with the change triangle as a way to deal with this voice in my head. 

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The change triangle is a tool developed by Hillary Jacob Hendel, a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist. It provides a framework for understanding and changing negative thoughts and behaviours. The change triangle consists of three components: thoughts, emotions, and behaviours.

The first step in the change triangle is to identify the negative thought that is causing the problem. This could be a thought like, “I’m not good enough” or “I always mess things up”. Once you have identified the negative thought, you can then examine it and determine whether it is a rational or irrational thought. Irrational thoughts often involve extreme thinking, such as thinking in absolutes (“always” or “never”) or personalizing things that are not your fault.

Next, you examine the emotions that are associated with the negative thought. Emotions are the feelings that arise from our thoughts. When we have negative thoughts, we often experience negative emotions, such as anxiety, sadness, or shame. Understanding the emotions associated with our negative thoughts can help us to identify the sources of our distress.

Finally, you can explore the behaviours that are associated with the negative thought and emotions. Behaviours are the actions that we take as a result of our thoughts and emotions. For example, if you have the thought “I’m not good enough”, you might avoid social situations or engage in self-criticism. By examining the behaviours that are associated with negative thoughts and emotions, we can see the impact that our thoughts are having on our lives and make changes that promote healthy behaviours and well-being.

Using the change triangle can help you to become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and behaviours and make changes that promote mental health and well-being. To implement the change triangle in your life, you can start by simply observing your thoughts, emotions, and behaviours in different situations. When you notice a negative thought, take a moment to examine it and determine whether it is a rational or irrational thought. Then, reflect on the emotions that are associated with the thought and the behaviours that are associated with the emotions. By doing this, you can start to identify patterns in your thoughts, emotions, and behaviours and make changes that promote mental health and well-being.

In conclusion, the change triangle is a valuable tool for anyone looking to understand and change negative thoughts, emotions, and behaviours. By identifying and examining negative thoughts, emotions, and behaviours, we can gain greater insight into the sources of our distress and make changes that promote mental health and well-being.