Not Feeling Good Enough
The Impact of Anxiety and Self-Doubt in Relationships
It’s common to feel confident and secure in your relationships, but what happens when those feelings are replaced by anxiety and self-doubt? Despite being in a strong and stable relationship, these negative thoughts can creep in and make you question everything.
I’ve picked unnecessary fights with my partner over my own insecurities; about not being pretty enough, thin enough, or having family money. I’ve compared myself with his exes and don’t feel like I measure up. It slowly creeps into my mind, taking one comment he made and building it into something else entirely. I allow my anxiety to hurt me. Silenzio Bruno! I think. Why is Bruno so cruel? Why does my mind take me out of reality and put me through a turmoil that does not exist?
Anxiety and self-doubt can be rooted in past experiences or insecurities, and they can greatly affect your relationships. It’s important to understand that these feelings are normal and that you’re not alone. However, in order to be content with your partner it’s crucial to address them to prevent them from causing harm to your relationship.
One common experience is the fear of being rejected or not being good enough for your partner. These thoughts can cause you to question your worth and lead to feelings of insecurity. It’s important to recognize that these thoughts are not rooted in reality and that your partner loves and values you just the way you are.
You have to accept that by them staying, supporting, and loving you, these anxieties have no basis. You are loved.
Another way anxiety and self-doubt can impact your relationship is by causing communication breakdowns. When you’re feeling insecure, you may withdraw or avoid opening up to your partner, which can prevent you from having meaningful conversations and connecting on a deeper level. For me, this typically comes in the form of depression. My partner may find me in the bedroom in the middle of the day with the lights off, not sleeping, not on my phone, and unable to put into words why I’m reacting this way. My partner knows me well enough now to respond with exactly what I need. Mostly words of affirmation and cooking my favourite foods.. and ice cream. Taking things slow and getting my mind out of the dark place it put me in. But this took years, a ton of communication and him never giving up on me.
Being honest about the Bruno in your head can signal to your partner that you need them to support you, talk you down from these harmful thoughts and essentially give you the love you need. If you need help getting to these conversations seek therapy immediately. Though friends and family can be good sounding boards, they do not give you unbiased communication coaching. Seek a professional and tell them that you need to develop these skills.
To overcome these feelings, it’s important to work on your self-confidence and self-esteem. This involves the combination of therapy, practicing self-care, and challenging negative thoughts. It’s also important to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about your feelings. They may not be able to solve the problem for you, but their support and understanding can help you feel validated and loved.
In conclusion, anxiety and self-doubt can greatly impact relationships, but with the right tools and support, it’s possible to overcome these feelings and maintain a strong and healthy relationship. Remember, your worth and value as a person are not determined by your relationship, and it’s important to love and accept yourself for who you are.